Something got taken from you long ago.

Is this just me or is it a collective thing?

Up until a few years ago, being really busy used to be a flex.

Working hard, long hours: totally cool and totally legit. You wore it like a badge. (And an excuse, admit it!)

Then we all woke up, or something. Because we were tiiiired. Exhausted. Keeping all those saucers spinning in the air, so little time, so much to do.

We read the articles, followed the accounts, listened to the podcasts, nodded along.

'More rest. More play. Slow down'. Got it.

We know. We really, truly know it all.

But nothing changes.

Even the rest and the play feels like something extra to schedule.

Because the knowing is not the problem. The loop is the problem.

Life keeps speeding up, getting noisier, more overwhelming.

And at some point you just... freeze. Netflix. Late night scrolling. Drinks. Not because you're lazy. Because you're exhausted from it all in a way that's hard to even name.

Is that rest? Or numbing? Escapism? Survival?

It is pretty ironic: no alarmbells go off when life is 'just fine'.

No doctor calls, no interventions from loved ones. That only happens when you finally collapse. When the burnout hits, when the body gives out, gets seriously ill.

Crisis gives you permission to admit that something has to change. And lets other people have total understanding for your need to slow down.

But what about befóre the crisis? The Monday morning dread? You only feeling yourself during the holiday? The dreaming of that one day in the future where things magically change?

The life that looks perfectly fine from the outside but just doesn't make your heart sing?

We don't have a word for that. And very little tolerance as a society. So we just smile and carry on.

And that is exactly where I think we, as a collective, have an enormous amount to gain.

Wanting more lightness, more joy, more play is not a personality flaw. It is not being spoiled or hedonistic. It's not irresponsible. It's the most adult thing you can do: to look at your life and say, this doesn't have to be so heavy. Just because I don't want it to.

Work cán fit you. You cán feel ownership over how you spend your days. That changes everything. Not the work itself. The fit.

And that can go perfectly hand in hand with the awareness that on some days life just sucks. That it is sometimes hard. That we have to drag ourselves through grief, anger, and just working your ass off sometimes. That's life.

Where did this go wrong anyway?

With a topic most of us don't want to touch. Yet.

I do.

Think about a child of four or five years old.

They know exactly who they are. What they like, what they don't. When they're tired. What makes them light up. Completely, naturally connected to themselves.

Toddlers are total badasses.

And then school starts.

Suddenly you are supposed to sit still for hours, whether your body wants to or not. You are allowed to eat and drink at a fixed time, hungry or not. You are only allowed to go to the bathroom with permission. (Devastating really for your digestive health!) You learn theoretical things in a specific order at a specific speed, whether your brain works that way or not. You swallow your emotions because there is no time and no place for them in a classroom of thirty. You learn that your needs come second. You learn to adapt, not in a slight way. No, big time. You learn to perform instead of to just be. Test, grades, repeat. Little room for true creativity, for the things that light you up.

We do this for twelve, sometimes eighteen years.

Fluorescent lighting. Little movement. No nature. Total sensory overload. Six hours a day, five days a week, for most of childhood.

Hardly any hours in the day left to play, rest or socialize. Because... homework.

If you are tired, emotional, overstimulated, sad, energized: doesn't matter. Just show up, suck it up, and do the work.

Your parents did it too. Don't expect too much help from them, because they are legally obliged to put you through this whole process. They did it too, and they turned out 'fine'.

And then we wonder why we hit 35 or 40 and don't know who we are anymore. Why we feel lost. Why nothing feels like enough.

We smirk a little: "he or she is having a midlife crisis".

We were never lost.

We were just very, very well trained to disconnect from ourselves. To be obedient. And we were praised for it. Seen.

If this were happening to our young dogs or horses, we would call it.... (fill in yourself).

But we endured it ourselves. So our kids must too. And in a future we can't even begin to imagine, we're still handing them obedience training and fact reproduction and calling it education.

We can do better. We need to do better. Asap.

I think we all have a little Stockholm Syndrome around this. And I get it. It's uncomfortable to look at. And pretty hard to change this oiltanker of a system. (Believe me, I am trying in my own way and that is a whole exhausting saga in itself!)

But this is also exactly where the way back to ourselves starts.

Not by digging through trauma for years. Not by waiting for the crisis that finally gives you permission.

But by getting curious about what it is you actually dó want. What makes that knot in your stomach loosen. What lights you up. What you were in essence before the world got its hands on you.

And one more thing, not only for yourself, but for future generations: make this topic mainstream. Talk about it. Question things. It is time.

Love, Annemarijn

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